Wednesday
Tuesday
November 29
I wish I knew if I was in a better place now then I was before.
It's radically different then heartache and I don't know how to describe it.
Monday
Sunday
Saturday
November 26
I saw my old ballet studio perform the nutcracker tonight. It still makes me sad that I've graduated and I'm not a part of it anymore, even though it's been 3 years. I feel like a part of me is missing and I have this longing to be up on stage dancing with my friends and actually enjoying what I do. I wasn't able to dance this semster at school because my nursing program wont let me, but next semester I'm going to anyways. I don't care if they tell me not to because this is what actually makes me happy.
Friday
Thursday
Wednesday
Tuesday
Monday
Sunday
November 20
I find myself staring at the ceiling trying to form all the little dots into things they aren't. I see an 8 and a 5 and a dinosaur; the ones with the really long necks. I squint my eyes to make my vision all blurry because I think it might help me distinguish different things. I don't like what it looks like without this lack of acuity because without it, it looks like nothing.
Saturday
Wednesday
Tuesday
Monday
November 14
I feel bad that I having been slacking on this blog the past few months. When I started I used to post every single day, which was my goal and now it's every few days, if even that. I regret not posting more becuase I really enjoy going out and taking pictures and writing down what I am thinking and feeling. This new school year has consumed me more then I would like. I have no time for myself. All I want to do is dance and take pictures and write and read and listen to music and play music and be with people that I enjoy and do none of what I'm actually doing right now. Is that a problem?
Friday
Wednesday
November 9
I saw Blind Pilot last night and it was absolutely amazing. I saw them two years ago in Northampton and they were exactly the same as I remembered them from the scruff on the lead singers face to the flannels they all wear. For their last song the whole band climbed off stage onto the floor with everyone, unplugged all of their instruments, and played my favorite song. I was probably two feet away from the lead singers face and it was mesmerizing. Everyone had to be quiet to hear because they weren't using microphones. It was so simple and so effortless that there is nothing that I can compare it to.
It's temporary. I get it now.
Tuesday
Monday
November 7
You're beautiful; a generic statement. They can say it without even looking at you because it's what you want to hear. But when he looks at me and looks at my whole face like he's examining every inch, every part of my skin, and then looks into my eyes and says it, I believe him. And I never want that to go away.
This next paragraph has nothing to do with the previous.
In some ways I doubt it, and not because of what it is now, but because my view has changed on everything and because of outside forces that always seem to get to my core. I hate it all.
wait, they don't love you like I love you
They don't know you like I know you
Sunday
Wednesday
Tuesday
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