July 25

Am I surprised by what you did? Yes and No. No because I had a feeling that something like this would happen. But also yes because I actually started to believe and trust you again, which now I'm not sure if that was a mistake I made. And no matter how much I think of myself as a strong person, I feel weak. Weak because I always seem to go back to you, the one person who has hurt me more then anyone else in my entire life. I don't get it. But maybe it's that I love you that much? I don't know anymore. You say you love me more then anything, you say you want to be with me, but then you go and do this horrible thing. I just always question as to why this happens to me. Me, the person who has done nothing wrong and has only tried to make you happy. I keep trying to make sense of things and I'm always asking why, but I guess it's something you can't make any sense out of. I don't want the kindness of my heart to be perceived as weakness, and I don't want my forgiveness to be taken granted for. I won't be here forever. Everyone has a breaking point and every time something happens I think this has got to be it...but it's not. I look at myself in the mirror and I'm ashamed at what I see. When did I become this person who lets people treat her like this and be ok with it? Well I'm not ok with it this time. I need to be shown how much you care and how sorry you are. And trust me, it is not going to be easy. That girl made me feel worthless and I hope she was worth you losing part of my love and my trust. But love is a strange thing and I still have this weird hope that it will all come back, and I believe you when you say you are sorry. Somehow I feel closer to you after all this has happened and I wonder if you feel that too. I feel like everything is out of our way now and we can go back to being us. I miss us more then anything in the world because that was when I had complete blissful happiness and that's all anyone ever wants.