October 31

Mom - "Everything passes. There shouldn't be anything in life that makes you so stressed that you make yourself sick because eventually it will be gone."

Sometimes I dont think I give my mom enough credit for the person she is and what she means to me. I don't know what I would do without her.

October 29

I wonder if it's possible to have all types of happiness at once.

I don't think it is. But I don't know which type is most important to me yet.

October 24

October 23

This post is a few days late.

I have never seen such talent in my life. He did things that I don’t think anyone else could musically do. It was so unique and so amazingly perfect and full of passion.  I think it is rare to find or see someone that unique and I feel privileged to have been able to watch him perform. His music memorized me and he is the definition of a truly talented artist.  It makes me wonder how people can actually think that musicians like taylor swift or justin beiber make exceptional and satisfying and talented music (sorry to tswift fans). The skills he showed and the art and emotions that he expressed were something that I hope everyone is able to feel or see in their lifetime. Andrew Bird you are authentically perfect.

October 19

October 18

I always feel so separate, and it has been apparent to me for a while. I'm done with feeling excluded and done with being treated differently. I don't care if they don't understand me, but don't leave me out because of it. I don't fit in, and I don't want to because I would rather be how I am then how they all are. It make me more appreciative of the people I do have who understand me and love me for it. I'm so tired of feeling alone here.

October 17

This is my favorite time of year. It always feels new to me; like we are starting a new year, even though in reality the number hasn't changed yet. It's a fresh start. Everything always seems to be different in my eyes. The place, you, your friends. Maybe not in drastic ways that are obvious, but in small minute ways that will catch your attention on occasion. I also think this is when the world is most beautiful; when everything is dying. But it all looks so lovely as it falls. 


fall is my favorite season, like falling to reasoning why

   

October 14

October 13

I wonder if she feels as I do.

I need to learn not to waste my thoughts or lose my contentment over these people that drive me crazy because they don't matter in the slightest. But for some reason they always creep into my life and I despise it because it almost makes me rethink things...almost. But it shouldn't because like I said, they don't matter. I don't want to have to deal with all that and I shouldn't have to, considering what I have been through. It's not worth it. And I always wonder whether I can be free from it all.

I fear I'm dying from complications, complications due to things that I've left undone

October 12

You know when you feel that connection with someone; in the moment there is such a strong energy between you and him that you could almost touch it. I'm not sure what it is; some weird force of emotion or nature or the world. Maybe it's just me, but I'm finally feeling what I have been waiting for since a year ago. It's finally getting there. I must have waited this long for a reason.

I am becoming ok with the present and the way things are or maybe the right word is accepting. I know that this is how it is supposed to be at this point in my life. I'm accepting of it because it feels right and I think that this is what was supposed to happen. Right now I belong here, with him, with all these people, and I can't question it anymore because this is how it is and how it was meant to be for now. The future still makes me nervous, but at least I can be accepting of this moment because that's all that really matters.

October 11

October 10

October 9

October 8

October 6

When I exited the gym today the sky was a mesh of pink, orange, blue, and purple.  Of course it was one of those many moments where I didn't have my camera so I had to race back to my apartment to try and get a picture of it there.  By the time I got back this is all that was left in the sky. This picture does not do it justice, but it was really beautiful. I wish you could have seen it.

October 4

October 1

I feel this weight on myself that I can't seem to lift off and I keep questioning. I feel as though I'm not smart enough for this major, I'm not driven enough, and I can't do it. Now Bon Iver is playing and I feel cold because Bon Iver makes me feel cold. I wish someone would bring me warmth and tell me everything will be ok. That I can some how pull off passing my classes. My mind is about to burst because I am so overwhelmed and I hate this feeling. This is a lame post. Sorry.

never gonna break