It's hard to watch the person you love make choices that aren't beneficial for them and not live up to the person you know they are capable of being. You feel useless and you try so hard to help, but in the end you are helpless. It feels like you mean nothing to the person, even if you know you do. It's a struggle with yourself, trying to aid the person and failing to do so. Like every attempt you make seems to go to shit, but no matter what, you will keep trying until it may kill you. Because they are all that matters, and seeing them be the person you know they can be brings you more joy then seeing yourself succeed. I cry not out of sadness or anger, but out of pure overwhelming emotion. It is sometimes unbelievable, even to me, how much emotion I can feel towards a person.
All the purple pages in my journal were used up today. They were my favorite. Onto red.
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