Mornings are the worst; like right when I wake up. It's when I feel the most empty inside. I hate it. I dread when my alarm goes off because I know that feeling will overtake my body. I force myself to go through the motions of my morning routine of showering, brushing my teeth, etc...It gets better as I go throughout my day, but then morning comes again.
I don't know if what I'm doing is the best for me. I wish I could just see into the future so I could know whether or not what I am are doing is a positive thing for my life or a negative, but I have no idea what is going to happen and we all have to make our own mistakes. I feel like I should stop because I don't see what benefit it is bringing me, but at the same time I continue to do it. I am so confused inside and all I want is to have a clear mind. Will I continue to do this? Should I? I don't know. Maybe I should just stop and see what happens. See how I feel. But I don't know if I'm strong enough to stop. I want to be strong enough.
The greenhouse was a great place to just sit and think and listen to music. My mom once said to me "music is the one central thing you can count on. It will always be there no matter what." She's right.
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